Book Review: The Other Side of Letting Go: 7 Keys to Transforming Your Mindset & Reclaiming Your Life — A Book That Made Me Question Everything By Crystal Petry
Updated: Oct 5
I started reading The Other Side of Letting Go: 7 Keys to Transforming Your Mindset & Reclaiming Your Life by Lavar Thomas on August 11, 2026, and finished it on August 18, 2026.
This book may not be long, but it’s packed full of information, perspective, and tangible ways to transform your mindset. Whenever I had an hour here or there, I would take this book out and start reading. Honestly, I couldn’t put it down. What surprised me most wasn’t just how much I learned. It was how many questions this book made me ask. Those questions started on page one.
Who Makes This Decision?
On the very first page, Lavar writes:
"I decided to resign as a Legislative Aide in Boston and move to Rwanda, East Africa, to begin a new life."
My very first question was: Who makes this decision?! I thought about what seemed to be a great job. A cushy job. A job with upward mobility. Then you decide to leave that behind and move to a very rural part of Rwanda, potentially without many of the modern amenities we are accustomed to in America? I was intrigued immediately. But that wouldn’t be my last question. Lavar writes about leaving behind what was familiar and stepping into something completely different. As I continued reading, I realized that this book was going to challenge me to examine some of the things I have accepted as normal.
What Are You Going to Be When You Grow Up?
Still on page one, Lavar says:
"All around me were voices asking what I would do with my degree when I graduated."
And I thought: We start asking people this question way too young. Think about it. When kids are in elementary school, one of the questions they constantly hear is: "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Then they get older. High school. College. Graduation. Suddenly, everyone wants to know what you're going to do with your degree, what career you're choosing, where you're going to work, and what your five-year plan is. But why? People are so many things throughout their lives. I don’t know anyone who has been the exact same person and wanted the exact same thing from age 4 to age 54. So why do we expect people to figure out their entire lives when they’re children?
An 11-year-old girl recently told me something that I absolutely loved. When asked what she was going to do, she said: "I'm going to see where life takes me." I loved that answer. I’m going to start using it myself. When someone asks me what I’m going to do next or what I’m going to be, maybe the answer is simply: "I'm going to see where life takes me." There’s freedom in that.
Why Does Being Black Add Pressure?
On page two, Lavar writes:
"As the first Peace Corps volunteer in the village and the first Black Peace Corps volunteer at my site, I felt an added pressure."
And once again, I had a question. Why does being Black add pressure to anything and everything we do? It’s such an unnecessary and unfair burden that we can carry, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Why couldn’t Lavar simply be a Peace Corps volunteer? Why did being the first Black Peace Corps volunteer at his site have to create another layer of pressure? Imagine being able to walk into an experience simply as you. Not as the first. Not as the only. Not as a representative of an entire race. Just you. Could we imagine a world where people could experience life without that additional pressure? That thought stayed with me.
Would There Even Be Shame If Nobody Knew?
On page three, Lavar talks about shame creeping in and other people finding out about his failure. And I thought: Is the worst part of shame actually other people finding out? Think about it. If you could fail, learn from the experience, make adjustments, and move forward—and nobody else ever knew you failed—would you experience the same level of shame? Maybe. But maybe not. Sometimes the event itself isn’t what keeps us stuck. It’s the story we tell ourselves about the event. And sometimes it is our fear of what other people are going to think. Lavar asks:
"What were the others going to say about me?"
My question was: Do we ever outgrow that thought? Here is this man in Africa, experiencing something completely new for the first time in his life, and part of his thinking is still: What are other people going to say? That is such an unnecessary burden. And this isn’t limited to race. People everywhere carry this fear. What will they think? What will they say? What if I fail? What if they see me fail? What if they don’t understand my decision? Who taught us to think this way? Was it our parents? Our environment? Our communities? Society? Imagine a world where the thought "What will people think?" didn’t automatically enter our minds. What would we do differently?
Setbacks Are Not Always the End
On page five, Lavar says:
"Setbacks occur in order to help us reevaluate our approach."
YES. I think this is incredibly important to understand. Setbacks can be vital to learning, growing, and pivoting—whether we’re talking about business, relationships, careers, or life. Of course, when you’re actually going through the setback, it doesn’t feel like a valuable lesson. It doesn’t necessarily look like an opportunity. It looks like a setback. But sometimes you have to get to the other side of letting go before you can see what the setback was trying to teach you. Sometimes goodbye really is good. And yes, I am quoting Beyoncé in a book review! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️❤️❤️ Because as Beyoncé said in Best Thing I Never Had, sometimes we eventually realize that what we thought was a loss was actually a blessing.
Lavar, I Loved the Notes Section!
One of the things I really loved about this book is that Lavar includes a Notes section at the end of each chapter. I LOVE THIS. I actually wrote in the book how much I loved having a place to take notes. But here’s the funny part: I didn’t actually write my notes in the Notes section. SMH. I just wrote all over the book! But that’s what this book did for me. It made me stop, think, question, highlight, and write. And we’re still not even at Chapter 1! That’s right. All of that happened before I even got into the first chapter.
Let's Talk About Chapter 1
Lavar begins talking about taking a shot as a child and says:
"To help block the pain, I immediately closed my eyes and balled my fist."
I have to admit something. At my big age, I still close my eyes and take a deep breath before getting a shot or giving blood. I don’t think I’m ever going to outgrow that. Honestly, I don’t even think it helps that much. But it’s something I do to get myself through the shot. Sometimes we have coping mechanisms that aren’t necessarily logical. We just know they help us get through the moment.
The Greatest Enemy of Progress Is Your Last Success
On page 15, the late Dr. Myles Munroe said:
"The greatest enemy of progress is your last success."
Whew. Lavar takes it a step further by talking about the fear of success, which led me to another question: Why are people afraid of success? My first thought was, most people want success. Of course, success looks and feels different to everyone. But why would we be afraid of it? Maybe the fear isn’t necessarily about success itself. Maybe it’s about what comes after success. What if I succeed and then fail? What if I can’t maintain it? What if people expect more from me? What if I become responsible for something bigger? What if success changes my life in ways I wasn’t prepared for? Again, this book had me asking questions.
Thank You for Talking About the Boys, Too
On page 16, Lavar talks about teenage pregnancy. But what I appreciated was that he didn’t only talk about the girls. He talked about the boys, too. I wanted to point that out because so often when people talk about teenage pregnancy, the mental picture and assumption is about the girl. But there are two people involved. I appreciated Lavar acknowledging that. Thank you, Lavar.
What Story Are You Telling Yourself?
Another concept that really stood out to me was Lavar’s discussion about "the story behind our guilt." Sometimes the story we tell ourselves about what happened can become worse than the actual event. Think about that. Something happened. Then we replay it. Then we interpret it. Then we attach meaning to it. Then we create a story. Eventually, that story becomes the thing causing us shame and guilt. So I have a question for you: What story are you telling yourself? What story is causing you shame? What story is keeping you stuck? What story have you accepted as the truth about who you are? Lavar talks about moving past your story, and eventually, the shame and guilt can move past you as well. Change your story. Change your thoughts. That is something worth sitting with.
Is a Safe Existence Really a Bad Thing?
Another statement Lavar made caused me to stop and ask another question. He writes:
"Rather than venturing out beyond what's known, they settle for a safe existence."
And my immediate question was: Is this a bad thing? I understand why he wrote this, especially given the overall message and title of the book. But sometimes a safe existence is the best existence. Sometimes staying safe is exactly what someone needs. Sometimes peace is the goal. Sometimes stability is the goal. Sometimes a person doesn’t need to venture into the unknown. Sometimes they need to build a life that feels secure, healthy, peaceful, and sustainable. While I understand the encouragement to step beyond what is familiar, I also think we have to be careful about assuming that everyone who chooses safety is afraid of living. Sometimes safety is a choice. And sometimes it is a very good one.
This Book Is About More Than Letting Go
The Other Side of Letting Go is ultimately about releasing the things that prevent us from moving forward. But for me, the book became something else, too. It became a book of questions. It made me question expectations. I questioned fear. I questioned shame. I questioned success. I questioned failure. I questioned the pressure we put on ourselves. I questioned the pressure society puts on us. I questioned the stories we tell ourselves. I questioned whether everything we’ve been taught to pursue is actually what we want. That is one of the things I love about a good book. It doesn’t just give you answers. It makes you ask better questions.
I Also Had the Opportunity to Interview Lavar
I had the opportunity to interview Lavar Thomas on my podcast, and that conversation gave me an even deeper opportunity to hear his perspective and discuss the ideas behind the book. I'll include the podcast link here: [*PODCAST LINK]* If you’re someone who is currently standing at the edge of a transition, questioning your next move, carrying shame from something that happened in your past, or simply trying to figure out what it means to reclaim your life, I think this book is worth your time.
Should You Read It?
Absolutely. This is not a long book, but don’t let the length fool you. There are great anchors, practical keys, and tangible concepts throughout the book that can help anyone who is willing and ready to move to the other side of letting go. If you’re that person, I suggest you read this book immediately. But don’t just read it. Question it. Write in it. Challenge it. Apply it. And most importantly, ask yourself: What do I need to let go of so I can reclaim my life? Because sometimes the life we want is waiting on the other side of something we have been holding onto for far too long.
Click the Link To Order Your Copy of the Book: The Other Side of Letting Go: 7 Keys to Transforming Your Mindset & Reclaiming Your Life
Author: Lavar Thomas
My reading dates: August 11–18, 2026
My biggest takeaway: Sometimes the most powerful part of transformation isn't finding another answer. It's finally being willing to ask yourself a different question.
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